Spring Exploded

Leaves, bugs, warm weather, and sunshine

 

Last week I attended a training seminar on how to implement a community project to combat the spread of HIV AIDS.

I will get to observe an older pc volunteer implement his own project in neighboring community before I attempt my own.

It is amazing to see how different organizations work together to improve a very scary situation in Ukraine.

Learning how to do a community project is also enlightening.  Obviously, community participation and action is essential.  Therefore, a lot of work must be done to set up any project, surveying exactly what the community wants and needs, and then creating motivation, interest and potential to fulfill when the actual project kicks off.

 

The particular conference I attended with one of my school's biology/"safe life" teachers  was organized by PC and conducted by the All Ukraine Alliance for people living with HIV/Aids and funded by the US PEPFAR project.  My school already teaches about the biology of infectious diseases, but has absolutely no sexual education.  We'll see what I can do to combine these important topics.

I am motivated and excited to get started on all of the things that I plan to do while using teaching English as an excuse to be here.  Not that I don't enjoy teaching English, but many of my students do not need to know it, are not motivated, and there are some very good english teachers already teaching in Ukraine.

 

Well, this is Easter weekend, and the holidays stretch into next week.  Not sure how many days I have off school, but plan on getting a little camping in early next week.  Tomorrow I'm going to a Ukrainian professional soccer match, the strongest team in the country ("Shoktar")is playing the Lviv team ("Karpaty").  I guess I'll cheer for the home team, even though I think they're going to get crushed.

 

I was really re-energized not only by the aids conference, but by the Haverford alumni magazine my dad sent me, where I am reminded that great things are expected and regularly completed by my peers.  The world can be improved, one village at a time, infectious diseases are an easy target, and my community will be well educated by the time I leave.

 

Random notes:  Dying eggs requires white eggs and food coloring...?

I tried brown eggs with onion skins for yellow, beats for red, and iodine for brown, oh wait, the eggs were already brown.

When there's no teaching, I have alot of time on my hands...

to be continued...

It's amazing when someone asks me what I think and I have so many things to say that I can't organize them at all.  That's what I feel like right now.  What's the point of even starting, there are so many things to say.  Our little group of local English teachers met today and I found myself with too many things to say on a few different topics. 

            Who is responsible for teaching critical thinking?  Our district methodologist brought a sample of what future tests will look like.  Not only were the writing essay topics interesting, but they required independent and creative thought.  It was pointed out that many of our students would have trouble with these tasks in their native language because they get have little experience synthesizing information to form arguments. 

            I have gotten all sorts of interesting tidbits recently about monetary practice within our school.  First a bit of disclaimer.  There is no way to prove whether these shady activities actually exist, but the fact that there is no transparent system makes almost anything believable.  I report this heresy only to provide some motivation to make monetary transactions transparent, and to urge greater public scrutiny of all public institutions.

            First, I hear…

april 15th

What both creates and solves all problems?  Time.  Once again I am humbled by the silliness of worrying.  The student loan debacle will work out somehow and all my worrying and stressing was pointless.  Some nervousness can be creative, with an energizing focusing effect, but then there is the negative type of worry, that distracts and hinders positive action.  Competitive running has given me lots of experience with different levels of nervousness.  I think it helped me to do the variety of ridiculous tasks in a small amount of time to end up with two jpeg files small enough to send over my dialup internet while still containing all forms, signatures and certificates I need to submit to my bank.

Saturday was spend cleaning the stadium, nearly 6 hours picking up trash, glass, sweeping and replacing the bleacher benches that had been broken by angry drunk boys/men.  The stadium looked good by the time we were finished, but my legs were a big sluggish on Sunday just from spending that amount of time standing and sweeping and pushing wheelbarrows etc. 

Sunday was the pre-season "independence cup" final.  I was assigned to man-mark their best player, a big fast guy with good skill.  It became a delicate task after I earned a yellow card early in the game for a dangerous slide tackle on offense.  In self defense, if I had gotten the ball I would have scored because I slid inside the offensive as the defender was desperately clearing the ball from his goal line, so I think the yellow card was worth it.  Their best player was loosely assigned to a right flank position, but he really roved all over the field.  I marked him out of the game, and may have been part of the reason he got so frustrated he eventually earned his second yellow card (for yelling at the ref) to get thrown out of the game.  I only had one really good offensive opportunity, an option between a poor angle shot and a cross over a defender to the far post to a wide open teammate, but I somehow screwed up the cross, too much finesse rather than just kicking the ball.  A few other balls were sent for me into space, but I didn't have that extra spark of speed to get around the defender and catch them before they rolled out of bounds. 

The stadium was filled if not packed.  The local tv station came, and there were loud speakers set up, the flag raised, and even walked out onto the field with kids like professional teams do.  It was an even game, but my team finished a few early opportunities, then we relaxed and started passing and moving for each other while the other team just got more frustrated.  Ended 4-1, their one a penalty kick which our fullback earned by being a little slow to get forward after a corner kick, keeping a player onside which he was not marking, and so a desperate slide from behind caught legs rather than ball.

After the game I was awarded the mvp award, but I do not deserve it.  I got it only because I am "the American", "Our volunteer".  My teammates were happy to see that I knew I had not earned it.  I tried to give it to the real mvp, our captain, but he said "if it is truly mine, then I give it to you as a gift.  You will undoubtedly earn it someday, and on that day most likely will not receive it, so take it now and earn it next time".  Said like a true captain. 

After the game I was interviewed by the tv station, didn't really understand the questions, but just said that we had played well and won.  Yesterday I could not figure out how to switch off the cable and onto the antenna to see myself on tv, but all of my students and teachers saw me and said that my Ukrainian wasn't too bad.

Liam's Bday, april 9th

I screwed up big time.  I never verified that my student loan deferment was accepted.  Just assumed that I would hear something if it was not.  The letters and warnings were all sent in paper form to my mom's house.  She is in Costa Rica.  For some reason my loans don't qualify for the public service deferment, instead I have to fill out the economic hardship deferment.  I downloaded the correct form today after getting an emergency forbearance over the phone last night.  Unfortunately I accidentally deleted all of the photos off of my ipod in the process.  Super bummed.  I thought I was deleting somebody else's photos because there is file named "stuff from Josh's ipod" which I thought I was inside of when I saw the large photo file.  The bright side is that I did not accidentally delete all 7 of my recently acquired Harry Potter books in mp3 format.  My steadily accruing string of lesson plans and other random information make the disk quite full (all information I need or might need I store on my camera or ipod), or at least it was quite full before I deleted my photos (tear).  Of course I have those photos backed up on cd in NM, but no way to look at them now.  I should get an actual little external flash so I don't have to carry my electronics everywhere, of course it's nice to have my camera with me, because Kodak moments are fairly common.

So, frustration boiling within for being careless with my loan status and my photo stash led to a fast 8 miler through woods and fields with some pickups thrown in on smooth sections.  The gophers are working overtime.  Who eats gophers? 

Now my achilles hurts, which is another frustration I don't feel like dealing with right now.  Guess I will play violin, clean my bathroom, or find some other activity that makes me feel useful.  The network is down at school which means only one computer can get internet which means everybody waiting for one computer.  I got 5 minutes today which is barely enough time to load gmail.  Downer few days, hope I can score a goal in the game on Sunday and help my team bring home the cup.  I also got accepted into the PEPFAR AIDS/HIV training in Kyiv which will start on the 21^st.  That week of school combined with the Easter break week following will give me two weeks away from teaching.  Time I could use to re-energize.

With all the other money drama, I almost forgot the latest development in the ever surprising Ukrainian education finance system.  I had a feeling that our school had more money than the government gave.  I learned about the $2 million World Bank loan in my district, and now also how each class is responsible for providing a sum of money to buy books, chalk, and all other "school needs".  This comes from parents. 

Anyway, the latest deal for my apartment rent is 92.5% funded by the Peace Corps and the other 7.5% by my school.  The director of my school negotiated this with my director in the Peace Corps.  Yesterday she called in all of the teachers I work with and told them that they were responsible for paying that part of my housing expenses.  Not all the English teachers, only those teachers that I work with. They must pay every month, and even in the summer.  The teachers have to pay to work with me?  This makes it even harder to introduce new and unusual techniques, which some of the teachers are already hesitant about, and now they have to pay to watch me do my weird communicative method which may or not improve their students' test scores on the old and less than communicative tests.  The other reason it pisses me off is that the English teachers recently each gave the director a cash gift of 50UAH for her 50^th birthday.  This sum would exactly cover the amount needed for my living for the entire 23 months they are being asked to pay.  Yet instead of my director just taking it out of her pocket, she takes it from teachers who make less than half of what she does, and already have to contribute to a variety of other school funds.

And a news update

 

No school today, religious holiday, and most students just didn't show up.  Nobody knew before hand.  So I have a lot of time, waiting for the administrators to finish work for the day so that I can tie up the phone line to get some internet.  Went out to the bar with my team after the game last night and ended up having some really interesting conversations about how to take the first steps toward improving the economy and democracy.  We also spoke about why nationalists are vehemently against having two national languages even though so many people in Ukraine speak Russian.  Basically I was able to understand that the Russian language is tightly linked with the country of Russia and not disassociated from the empire that has impoverished and exploited Ukraine and its people for so long.  Will it be separated?  It seems dangerous to have a national language which so much of the population does not use.  It must make that part of the population feel less included.  But I can also see how after so much, a Ukrainian nationalist would want to separate Ukraine from Russia as much as possible.

Can anybody tell me what NATO is?  What are the advantages of being in it?  Is the US seriously still worried about communists taking over the world?  Have there been conflicts where NATO has intervened militarily?  Ukraine is debating joining, and obviously Russia does not want this to happen.  Why would Ukraine want to be part of NATO and the EU?  I feel like NATO is some kind of US lead nuclear weapons club.  Need to fill my empty head with knowledge.  I feel so ignorant.

Pre-season independence cup

I figured out that the games we have been playing are part of a pre-season tournament.  Yesterday was the semi-final match.  Next week will be the final, and then the following week the real season will start which is about 20 games plus playoffs.  I am struggling to score.  I had three good chances, but each one failed to put all the details together to score a goal.  Times are estimates.

85^th minute I received a beautiful cross about 18 yards out on the right corner of the penalty box.  I was open enough that it was effectively a 1v1, me v goalkeeper situation although I did not have time to beat the goalkeeper on the dribble because my defender was only about a meter behind me.  I had been visualizing how I was going to score for the whole game, knowing that I had to finish my one chance.  I was running at full speed and instead of trapping the ball, I was already looking up to see where I was going to place my shot, checking out if the keeper was coming out or miss-positioned to either side of the goal, so, screwed up the trap, ball bounced strait off my shin guard ruining my angle at goal, and making it a 50/50 challenge with the keeper.  I beat him to the ball, but my flailing toe-poke nutmeg attempt failed.  It was cool how I became so focused that everything went perfectly quite.  Too bad I focused on the keeper before the trap.

100^th minute sprinted all the way down the field to get involved in a counterattack, the ball was crossed, I judged the lofted flight perfectly, but my defender was playing the body and doing a good job boxing me out and I was unable to make one decisive move to get in front or get some separation from him.  It ended up being a wrestling match and I did get my head on the ball but could not get any power or form into it as I was being wrestled to the ground.  Of course I got called for the foul because they always give those to the defense.

115^th minute our corner kick, misjudged the flight and overran slightly, too late to go back, so put every last ounce of energy into my vertical jump, and amazingly, got high enough, higher than the crossbar even, but was so surprised that my legs had gotten me there that I was not focused on directing the ball down and into the net.  I was being undercut at the same time, but that was way down by my legs and should not have affected my head.  Ball went over the crossbar.

In the first play of the game I was a little sluggish and missed a slide tackle, no real physical contact, but it looked like I was mean.  This first play made it so the ref was watching me closely, so later on when I committed a professional foul at midfield to stop a counter attack I got my first yellow card.  I got called for a lot of fouls, being lighter than and not as strong as our opponents, there was no way to hold my position on headers or when shielding the ball without using my arms, which, in soccer, is illegal.

The second most challenging part of the game was playing 120 minutes as a winger.  That is something I have not done since I was 14.  I was marked up against three different players, and by the end my legs were shaking any time I was not running, which was not a problem because I was always running.  I did a good job getting back on defense, and normally getting in front of my man on offense, but today walking is difficult. 

I was not put on the list of 5 penalty kick takers because no one has ever seen me take a penalty kick.  We won the shootout thanks to our amazing goalkeeper who stopped two of their attempts.  Not as satisfying as winning the real way, and frustrating that I could not finish any of my three perfect chances. 

I really like my team, there is a fair amount of yelling on the field, but that's also part of the culture and most conversations are what people in the US would call "heated".  Speaking of yelling, it's kind of nice not to understand what the crowd is saying about me.  It takes no effort to ignore trash talk.  On the contrary, it would take a conscious effort to understand it.

Freedom of choice

 

My American friends here think I am crazy and illogical for proposing that the following argument applies to ear piercing.  Making decisions for your children which you could without harm postpone so that your children can make those decisions is reducing the number of opportunities your child will have to feel self empowered.  I will use circumcision and ear piercing as examples.

Circumcision is not reversible, or at least you can't get those nerves back even if you can grow more skin.  The only medical benefit is a slightly lower chance of getting aids while having unprotected sex, based on one sole study.  The cleanliness argument is a farce.  So why have your boy circumcised?  Maybe it will make him feel more normal in the gym shower (although that assumes that more males are circumcised than not).  Maybe it is better to get all painful things done to your baby at an age where they will not consciously remember them.  Do painful subconscious memories sound healthy to you?  Maybe it is a family or religious tradition.  If it is, then won't it make the boy feel more committed and apart of the family or religion if he makes a conscious choice to make the painful sacrifice to join the tradition and symbolism of the group?  The problem with doing it when he is a baby is that it is not reversible.  If he decides he as an individual feels more inline with a different religion which does not require circumcision, or just wants that extra pleasure back, there is no way to go back.  He might even be bitter that you as a parent made that arbitrary decision about his body before he could give his opinion.  The advantage of waiting and letting him make the decision is that he will feel empowered and respected.  He will know what he is giving up and why.

Ear piercing may seem completely irrelevant, because it is all but reversible.  The advantages of piercing your girl's ears when she is too young to make that decision are no conscious memory of pain, and perhaps a feeling of normal if you live in a society where most girls pierce their ears.  The advantages of waiting and letting your girl choose if she wants her ears pierced are:  she will realize that you respect her body as her own and feel like a self determined individual; she will gain an awareness of the fundamental structure of choices, in this case some pain is traded for the ability to decorate her ears.  "But even if I pierce my girl's ears when she is 3, she can later choose to let the holes heal up".  The choice to undue an arbitrary decision your parents have made for you is somewhat less empowering.  Instead of realizing her newfound power as an individual, she unavoidably becomes focused on how many things have been decided for her, the power that you still have over her.  She will always have those small bumps in her earlobes to remind her of the decision you made but did not have to make. 

The reason this argument initially appealed to me is that there seems to be some correlation between choice, self empowerment, freedom and success.  The ability to examine and question the world that we live in needs to be fostered.  The things that women wear often strike me as examples of choices that are made without fully examining the reasons and assumptions behind those choices.  Yes, dressing up is fun, a way to show confidence, get attention and feel beautiful.  But if you cannot feel beautiful, confident and normal without wearing makeup, a short skirt and high heals is that ok?  I have made a huge assumption that some women cannot, but then why do they dress up every day, putting up with blisters on their feet, barely able to walk, chemicals on their faces and in their hair, and clothing that shows or hides?  Is it ok to feel ugly without makeup?  Is it ok to just feel prettier with makeup?  Is that really who you are?  Can clothing and decoration be part of your identity?  Are you happy and satisfied with the person under the clothing, makeup and fancy walk?  Ironically, extremely skimpy clothing seems to be both proof of self confidence, and an attempt to gain it by drawing attention.  "I'm beautiful, don't you think?"  How many of these actions are fostered and supported by parents?  These behaviors seem unexamined and perhaps have more impact on a child's future than seems apparent.  Thus I am curious about such small things as the clothing that you buy your children and if you pierce their ears or not.

 

Random thoughts on parenting and choice.  I want to thank my parents for always giving me choices rather than having an authoritarian system of laws.  I was always made aware of the consequences of my choices, but it has provided me with a viewpoint that is somewhat different than most people.  I notice choices that I make.  Many people do things without realizing they have a choice.  Realizing alternatives is the first step toward a critical examination of my life and a questioning of the options that I have.  This has lead me to find that happiness itself is essentially a choice.  Since I am aware of the choices I make and their consequences (at least I can guess some possible consequences), I can do things that have a higher probability to make me happy.  If I am not happy, I can with careful thought figure out why, and then trace those reasons back to certain choices that I have made, and re-evaluate based on the other options I have for those particular decisions.  What an empowering viewpoint!  I can decide whether to be happy or not. 

I have also discovered another way to be happy without necessarily changing the choices that I have made, but instead examining the outcomes within a different set of parameters.  I identify what in one particular unhappy moment what is making me unhappy, and then I examine other sides of that same thing to see what parts of it are making me happy.  This could be applied to time by myself.  The occasional unhappy loneliness can be immediately flipped to show the unprecedented time to think and reflect, time which I have never had before in my life other than the occasional hour in meeting.  Self reflection while cleaning my apartment, cooking, reading, playing violin or working on my balcony garden becomes meditation when my surface train-of-conscious thoughts are used up and I my head becomes quite and focused.  At least I think that's what meditation is, it's good enough for me.

April 4

Pedagogical Priorities:  In America (the part of America on the north side of the equator within the borders of the United States of America (why do we get to be American's instead of United Statesians and is that unfair?) My nationality encompasses two continents, HA!), we often say "math is not his strong suit".  In the US, this does not translate into "he is a weak student", or "he is slow".  This could be a self fulfilling political correctness (it's actually useful!) or could reflect our beliefs about opportunity.  'No, he will not be a mathematician, but he might be a great writer.'  It pisses me off when people here get labeled as week, stupid, dumb and written off to go work in the mine and live in a bottle.  To me, it feels like libel, which the student often internalizes (no effort is made to keep these views secret).

How to spend my week off school for Easter break?

What is the correct response when 9^th grader girls say the equivalent of "hey there hottie".  I have been going with the faked ignorance, pretending I can't understand what they are saying, but that only seems to encourage it, because they think they can say anything and I won't understand.  I guess I'll just have to start saying "not allowed, you can't say that".

The most delicious meal in recent history was grilled cheese sandwich dipped in Ukrainian salsa.  I am addicted to chocolate.  I carry a lot more weight up to my fifth floor apartment then I carry down.

There are very few jobs here that a student could have, before or after classes, or working only on the weekend. 

To buy a computer or not?