The Last Days

Trucking to Germany with my neighbor is not going to work out. He's leaving today and I'm still doing paperwork and eye exams in the office (looking for a some phantom opacity on the crystal that may indicate the first stage of cataracts). So I got a bus ticket, this year from Lviv to Frankfurt. Oh the fun of 27 hour bus rides.

So, today and tomorrow in the office, back to my site for one day, and then on my way west. Excited for change. Sad to leave.

December and still warm in Ukraine.

And some photos from my last few months...

shedding possessions

Who would guess that it was possible to collect so much stuff over two years?

We really are like pack rats. This moving habit of mine keeps the possessions to a minimum, but even so, impressive.

I have between 8-10 days left in Ukraine, depending on which truck driver I catch a ride with. Questions of sustainability are weighing heavily but when I think of individuals whose lives I have affected and who have changed me, I recognize a mirror effect. So if I feel those changes within me, I'm sure they are within those people as well, and those changes are sustainable. 

A more open mind, flexible priorities and unlimited generosity is what I've learned to value.

I'll be interested to read my students' blogs to see if I can find any of my influence there. (where did I put that link?)

It's interesting how for me, because I'm in Ukraine, for a set amount of time, this part of my life is beginning to have clear edges, defined by location. My students experiences with me however are not contained within within any frame. Just another year at school, with some weird American guy, but still, just normal life.

Cold autumn rain.

One more essay to write and resumes to edit.

How do you end a blog?

Two weeks left!

Three weeks of quarantine combined with fall break before that and my Continuation of Service conference before that has lead to 5 weeks without school. This has given me much needed time to write essays, finish graduate school applications, and track down my less than stellar GRE scores.

Now I have one week of classes and saying goodbye, one week of packing and then it's on the train/bus to Germany and airplane back to America.

Of course many mixed feelings, but overall ready for a change, and really anxious to get back to some academics.

Have some other blog entries saved on my computer, but I always forget to put them onto my flash drive.

It's been raining for weeks, and will rain into the foreseen future.

Really wish I had time to apply for a few more jobs, but school first. I'll get all these applications off on December 1st, and then focus on finding employment from now until school starts.

Carrot cake smells like it's ready, so I'm off to the kitchen...

Reflection

What can I conclude at the end of my Peace Corps service?

Well I’ll attach my official description of service soon, but until then, let me say a few things in response to
“how was it?”

For the surest answer, read earlier entries in this blog. But of course all experiences are changed by analysis’s hindsight. As for my thoughts now, they are poorly seasoned and relatively bland.

I would do it all over again, of course very differently. I’ve learned more about myself then anyone learned about English, me or America.

I made positive changes, after I was relatively fluent in Ukrainian and only where I had strong and close community support. I only wish that language was the largest obstacle.

I have many new friends.

This reflection is still premature.
It needs more seasoning.

Time and Opportunity

Algerian font matches

out of proportion feelings

time running out

running running out

Violined OUt

calm inner self

transition

opportunity time

Breath

Make lists

accomplish tasks

all will be done in thy

time is plenty

but still

it’s gotta all come out

Rant

old clothes ragtime

new clothes giveaway

few clothes bringaway

red clothes run

Campstove sell

sleeping bag roll

music stand donate

notebook gift

trophy soccer jersey

duct tape

books

But all that doesn’t even compare to the time and energy I need to say goodbye

not for a time

a few months

see u on facebook

but years, maybe forever, and you don’t even have email

I doubt you can afford to pay international postage

Fortitude seems unfair

I was accepted, trusted and part of their town

now I just go?

"all my hopes for you to settle down here for good

bring your parents too!

it’s just as I suspected

Despite all his words

America must be nicer

look at him an all his opportunities

he’ll make a decent living with half the sweat I do

24 and he can still mess around as if he were 17

hasn’t even started his career yet"

And then there’s the newlyweds on the bus

Ivan says he had a great English teacher in his village school

She’s dead now, Гірник graveyard

Ivan has worked 500meters underground

four years down

twenty one to go

mine #9

electrical engineer

$300/month

coal

three months married

Natalia wants to get pregnant

he says she just doesn’t understand

the financial pressure

of having a kid

they’ve been talking about that new factory for six years

I have no choice

the mine or drugs

a hard life or no life

I can’t believe you are here

I don’t care about the election

Проти Всі!

Take my number

call me

you are a good person

May God Give You Happiness

Goodbye

That sure puts my silliness in perspective

How lucky I am

Life is just shining down on me

a gift of time and opportunities

thank you

but why me?

October 7th

‘If only’s never get you anywhere

but…

no, I won’t dwell

stinky excuses

soccer is frustrating

because I don’t practice

because my Achilles is not healthy

because I haven’t taken 3 months off to cross train

because I don’t have access to cross-training facilities

one more game

wow, how stinky these excuses are

after all, what equipment do I need to do yoga?

short-timers disease

the beginning of

the new

failure to make due

looking farther than

my horizons

2 months to a swimming pool

Cleanup project this weekend a great success!

70 kids, teachers, and politicians

2 tons of trash

350kg of glass bottles

6 anti-littering signs

but most importantly

I did much less work than last time

which means

the kids are getting it

how to organize

delegate and support each other

empowerment through youth led development

small project design and management

next up

getting the movie theatre up and running

through some sort of club

keep going

I’m good at pushing through

but it’s going to be a shock

when one day

baby roots ripped up

put back in the 2003 hole

grow now?

too many leaves

pages of experiences

torn tubers

can I make the project design and management club

self-sustaining?

if not, what was the point?

people still litter

cut down trees

forget how HIV transmits

or neglect to inform their teenagers how to use a condom

Ha!

that old dream

immortality

as if one person could change the world

but oh they can

but not without proper commitment and preparation

both of which I will

in the end

fail to demonstrate here

back to school I go

for preparation

and commitment

will make a home

without the escape backdoor

back to where?

“wont you go back”

they’ll ask

back to my white skinned American male advantaged

rung on the opportunity ladder

No man

“I wont go”

because I don’t want to

I can’t

I’ve witnessed too much

and I refuse to take my wrongful place

in the unjust system

on a rotten ladder

to that false red “developed” fruit

progress and better quality of life

Open your eyes

I try

so many truths competing

left center right

economics a force for good?

the power of greed harnessed?

at least the system acknowledges selfishness

but why are environmentalists so single minded?

I hate the leftist exaggerations

that corporations are evil, as if they are giant monsters

and not merely the combined greed of thousands

no, combined good intention, to work and provide for her family

normal and natural on an individual basis

but when combined, capable of truly externalizing the social costs of exploitation

the investment in guns, oil, gold and metals

so distant from the people who have a stock

willing or not

Can’t you see that the richest countries are also the cleanest?

It is only when people have basic comforts

then they worry about picking up trash

what do you care

at your computer

Minimizing pollution

being less bad

than that guy in the hummer

what have you done today to eliminate poverty?

get on the phone already

with your senator congressmen state politician folks

but better yet

I don’t know

take a sign and stand by the road on your lunch break?

organize a flash mob outside REI?

too much intention

not enough action

Your country is doing things

do you know what they are?

what are my brothers doing in Afghanistan?

why can’t they be planting trees, building schools and teaching kids English slang?

why are they crawling through caves and hunting men?

Autumn Leaves Falling on Winter Hopes of Spring

two years and no trust in student centered learning

no chance to take a class through the joys of communicating with a foreign language

two years and trusted only to play with them

"We're giving you younger students this semester because we feel that you don't focus on grammar enough to prepare our students for their standardized tests"

Ok, well if you don't feel that using language is at all useful for grammar, then fine, just do drills and fill in the blank exercises all day.

It's ok, still get to see some of my favorite 8th, 9th, and 10th class, even if it is done on the dl

Good thing teaching English is only one third of my work right now. The other thirds are with my Ecology club, which has become a Project Design and Management club, and with my Healthy Lifestyles club, which is focusing on abstinence from drugs and sex now.

My mind is spending more and more time on the other side of the Atlantic

dreaming of being back in an academic setting

getting some more skills so that the next time I have a wonderful opportunity to live and work as a agent for change